Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 30, 2012 (The last day of Movember, so show off that mustache with pride. Then shave it off in the morning!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I got 99 problems and my cat is all of them (I feel for ya homie…)
  • I broke down and bought Pokemon Black and White 2. Never know when I will feel like being humiliated by an 8yo Japanese kid. (Oh and you will be, my friend. You will be.)
  • Obmama is my president till i die….. (Ahem…I have some bad news for you about 2016, buddy…also, that kind of dedication should come with proper spelling.)
  • I wish Tuesday was an actual person so I could bicycle kick him in the teeth (Tell us how you really feel.)
  • was just asked “Can I shave your hair off and make a pillow out of it?” #creep #silkyhairprobs (Ok, WHO says that?)
  • Aaron Rogers really need to shave….. He has a squirrel on his lip (But everyone likes squirrel
  • Post-workout meal – Omelette du fromage #dexterslab #gym (I. LOVED. This episode of Dexter’s Lab!)
  • My teeth feel naked! (Um…when do they ever feel clothed?)
  • if she’s wearing yoga pants I’m gonna look… How was I supposed to know you’re daughter is 12 (My guess is…if she looks like a child.)
  • I’ve yet to see a Sunggie from which I wanted said access. I’m no Gynecologist, but I do posess a PhTroll. (Does anyone follow this..?)
  • I’m nervous! I want long hair but I’m scared I’ll end up growing a mustache instead. (I think she’s confused about how hair works…)
  • Marisol does not want hairy gizzards (But really, who does? Amiright? Guys?)
  • SHE WAS THE ONE THAT PUSHED ME FIRST, SO I GRABBED HER BY THE HAIR AND KNEED HER IN THE FACE (Whoa…it got real.)
  • No Shave November has really taken its toll on my body, i keep sitting on my nuts (How…how the HELL are those related?)
  • I think I might shave my bread off ! (lolz typoz)
  • Have to get my finger shoes from tan (…finger…shoes..?)
  • Grrr all i want is to be noticed or followed by @justinbieber for christmas. That wud be one good christmas present! (Way to aim high…but Santa probably isn’t bringing you what you want this year.)
  • Coach was pissed when i was still overweight this practice “sigh” now i gotta lose 5lbs in one night :( (#WhyIneverWrestled)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

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Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

May 11th, 2012

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I woke and my lick was in my living room my fuckin grandma lets anyone in (Grandma’s a free spirit, what can she say? And it’s your own fault for leaving your lick in the living room…..Wait. What’s a lick, anyway? Someone help me with this one.)
  • Fact #20- two nude self portraits of me currently hang on display in my parents’ living room. Yeah, that’s me West Bend. Deal with it. (Well that’s just awkward…I mean, I guess they’re really proud parents, right?)
  • me &my mama havin a Movie night in the living room on friday.. Just like the good old days -when i was an ONLY child. (Yikes! Sibling rivalry much?)
  • When you’re out to dinner with your dad and he sees someone he knows and leaves you to go talk to them. #stranded #potato (One of these hash tags is not like the other)
  • If u gt dne wrg by family dnt unexpect that frm sumbdy thats nt. #JustSayn (WHY? WHY do you hate the vowels?? What did they ever (I do to you?)
  • Every time some douche decides to wear a polo shirt Satan steals the souls of six babies. Please, save them and don’t wear that shit ever (I wonder how many he steals if you pop the collar? Does it double?)
  • food menu is legit and the boot well if you can walk away from it you a better man then me i drank what and got home how ??? hahah (In re: to a 3 liter beer boot. Obviously, written post consumption)
  • oooh nice! We have naked babies running around here tonight cuz of the heat lol. I’m just watching tv (Wait, shouldn’t you be watching the naked babies so they don’t, y’know, hurt themselves?)
  • Mom is half off on Mothers Day! Come join us at ********** (Business name withheld for obvious reasons. Who sells half off moms on Mother’s Day? Have some dignity people! Or some grammar. You had plenty of characters left in your tweet to fix that…)
  • I’ve never seen a Brazilian woman’s breasts, but I can only assume pineapples and other tropical fruits grow from them (It’s unfortunate how sorely let down he may be one day.)
  • Horse Massage Therapist Opens for Business (I have a feeling, in this economy, this might be a tough racket to keep afloat.)
BONUS: For those of you who, like me, were excited this week to hear President Obama’s (albeit politically motivated) endorsement of gay marriage, here is a funny Tumblr full of GIFs to make you giggle. Have a great weekend.

There you are folks! I will try to keep this going on a weekly basis. Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great ones worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com

Now go get your social on!