Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

February 8, 2012  (The Anniversary of the Boy Scouts of America, as well as Opera Day!) Back after a long hiatus!

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • My sister’s favorite rapper is Will Smith. I’m pretty sure her favorite ice cream is a block of ice. (Ouch, that was harsh…)
  • Got arrested for possession of #swag last night (Sure, I’ll bet the officer was all like “Whoa, buddy. You need to tone down that swag!”)
  • Yes dad. Please continue feeling up your girlfriend and the dinner table. (Doesn’t get much more awkward than that…)
  • When you eat food that’s too hot and start breathing like a retarded dragon. (Though I don’t condone the word, I know this feeling exactly…)
  • oatmeal taste like dick hair (The hell? What kind of oatmeal are you eating?)
  • Mum needs to wash my hair for me like now (#FirstWorldProblems)
  • Sure. I’ll have three glasses of red and go hurl myself down the side mountain on waxed up planks of wood. Great idea. Super safe. #skiing (That’s a good point. Sounds dangerous, yet intriguingly awesome.)
  • At the beach today. Some lady was burning her wedding dress in a bonfire. Gee, I wonder why things didn’t work out. #boiledrabbits (What?? Where did that hashtag come from?)
  • I feel you. My car is dying. I need to let him/it go, but…I just can’t quit him. #BrokebackCar (Some loves you just can’t turn off…)
  • I never eat yucky beef… seems I accidentally eliminated horse from my diet too #result

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 21, 2012 (The world didn’t end. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Also, it’s Hamburger Day, Kiwi Fruit Day [in California] and, of course, Winter Solstice!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Gregorio can fix cars but I heard he fixed Alex’s BMW (Black mans weiner) [Oooooh, BURN!]
  • Saw a car with this bumper sticker: “We say Christmas.” I say potato. #waronpotatoes (Everybody has a cause…)
  • omg the hair stylist after cutting her bangs: “you just got banged” (Perhaps a bit tactless and too far..?)
  • Prenatal pills in my shampoo have helped my hair grow so much.
  • I can’t believe my daughter shit on the bathroom wall yesterday hahahahhahaha (I don’t find this funny. Should I not have kids?)
  • Just found 80 bucks in my back pocket really wanna know where it came from #win (Damn. Now THAT’S a good day!)
  • Dear tourists in new york please be more aware of your surroundings i am hungover i will shoulder charge if need be
  • I think i’ve gotten to mature for facebook… (I disagree…)
  • I’ve always loved beer but for you ill make an acceptation (Sounds like you loved beer too much before tweeting this…)
  • it’s gonna take 2 good dumps and some COD/Halo wins for me to want to go out tonight… happy to report that we’re on track for hoodrat shit
  • I got a septum ring collecting boogers like it’s his job. (EEEWWW. Gross gross gross #gross)
  • Lisa’s baby shower!!! 👶💙🍼 #babynoname #cantfigureitout #yolo
  • If you live in Washington or Colorado you can finally buy #weed with the Visa gift card your grandma gives you for Christmas. #jealous (Oh, how the holidays have changed.)
  • Jencarlos lives on a diet of hairy pencil cases (Does this make sense to anyone else?)
  • My blood type is diet coke (‘Merica)
  • Is it rude to shave your armpits in public? (Maybe not rude, but ill-advised, I’d say.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 14, 2012 (You. Guys. It’s MONKEY DAY, also National Salesperson Day, so give your sales team props! Especially if they’re a group of monkeys.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I just remembered I paid $50 for an oil change and tire rotation…. Anyone else wanna rape my ass? (Some things you just don’t forget, I guess…)
  • My vibrator name would probably be the little engine that could. (#TwitterTMI)
  • It’s cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won’t eat them as soon as I get to my car. (I mean…good point.)
  • I love how i can freely scratch myself in my own car [followed by]
  • i can stealth scratch in the cubicle for days (#MaybeYouShouldGetThatCheckedOut)
  • my mom always has scissors in her car so she can steal flowers from ppl’s gardens (She’s teaching proper preparation, as a mom should…)
  • Lmao who left a “let’s get our balls wet” towel in my car? (Who indeed?)
  • I just hit a banana peel with my car. My car didn’t stop or spin around. So disappointed. (#MarioKartTweets)
  • Some people shave their legs when they go out with someone they like. I shave my ponies. #notaeuphemism (Wait…what??)
  • Watching a movie with my mom and a sex scene comes on … Thank God for the dryer beeping ! Holy Awkward! #SaveByTheBell (My parents just always made me cover my eyes. Doesn’t everyone’s?)
  • calling me mainstream is like shitting on a microwave. like what are you doing with your life? (It makes sense…yet…doesn’t…)
  • Sex Fact: People who have sex about three times a week are perceived to look four to seven years younger. Better than botox! #fb (A fact, you say?)
  • I’m gonna love having long hurr this winter short hair be havin my neck all cold lol (Big ideas. This guy, he has big ideas.#bigideas)
  • you had me at blood and semen. (Um…..)
  • Dashing thru the blood, of all the human slain! (Someone has the wrong kind of holiday spirit, methinks…)
  • I think the best birth control is wearing crocs . (A sellable point…)
  • razors pain you rivers are damp acid stains you drugs cause cramps guns aren’t lawful nooses give gas smells awful, you might as well live~ (My head just exploded. I can’t even…)
  • A blessing: May your child be born early in the month so she or he has an easier time with Web drop-down menus that ask for birthday. (#FirstWorldBlessings)
  • “I feel like there just needs to be a dessert that no one really likes, you know?” -whoever invented fruitcake
  • “Sweet potatoes and hotdogs for dinner?” “Yes, it’s a random combination… still not as bad as Nirvana and Paul McCartney though.” #truth
  • [[Don't go to the link]] Fibroids In Uterus+odor http //fibroids-in-uterus-odor.nbashoesssale.com (Everything about this spam tweet is wrong…)
  • You drive a Volvo? I pictured you in more of a muscle car (naked and with one of those horse tail dildos up your butt of course. (Well…that tweet took a turn for the awkward.)
  • Wonder if Taylor’s swift is gonna get some birthday sex..
  • good evening Twitter followers it was a grey cloudy day her in jax today dinner chicken string beans sweet potato tweet you later (I fell asleep halfway through this tweet…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list! Also, here’s a picture of a monkey…for monkey day. I like monkeys.

I...like...Monkeys

I…like…Monkeys

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 7, 2012 (National Cotton Candy Day – Seems a little unseasonable – and National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • The wife just caught me blow drying my penis & asked what I was doing. Apparently, heating her dinner wasn’t the right answer (But…why were you..? Nevermind. Just, nevermind.)
  • Fran feeds fish fresh fish food. (betcha can’t say it three times fast)
  • Bed sheets should not smell like Hungry Jacks (Valid point…)
  • Someone threw a snowball at my car while I was driving down 22. I hope they get raped. (A bit of an overreaction, maybe?)
  • UPDATE my vet is really hot (And thus begins many unexplained illnesses for her pet)
  • A dog just winked at me. Does this mean I’m it’s owner now? Always wanted a winking dog (Winking is nine-tenths of the law, right?)
  • I spit words like I’m pregnant with the dictionary (Ok, Twitter rapper. That’s a new one for me…)
  • Being an injured athlete is like being a porn camera guy, you only get to watch the action (A poignant and pretty true statement, actually.)
  • oops a wee bit of poop just slid out my butt… get back up there poop (Eh…I just don’t…ew. Just ew.)
  • Give me that brain till my legs hurt!!! (Did brain become innuendo at some point, and I just missed it?)
  • Let me go wash my ass, shave my balls and go enjoy this weather .. Y’all be good .. Holla if u in the bity(city) (1. Who’s stopping you? 2. Why, just, why? and 3. If you’re going to parenthetically correct city, why not just type city?)
  • A low cut shirt makes up for messy hair #everygirlknows #everygirldoesit (Ladies, is this, in fact, something you all know and do? #HashtagsDontLie)
  • “hey do you guys mind if I pinch your nipple, eat your food, and talk about how tight my butthole is?” #notokay (Everyone has that friend I guess…)
  • Weather is amazing. Fairways are turning green again in December #grassconfused (#TexasProblems)
  • Hoooooly shit, the Mexican version of Lil Wayne just walked into my office. Ha! Goofy Ass looking clown… #elpequenowayne (Worth noting, just for the hashtag)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 30, 2012 (The last day of Movember, so show off that mustache with pride. Then shave it off in the morning!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I got 99 problems and my cat is all of them (I feel for ya homie…)
  • I broke down and bought Pokemon Black and White 2. Never know when I will feel like being humiliated by an 8yo Japanese kid. (Oh and you will be, my friend. You will be.)
  • Obmama is my president till i die….. (Ahem…I have some bad news for you about 2016, buddy…also, that kind of dedication should come with proper spelling.)
  • I wish Tuesday was an actual person so I could bicycle kick him in the teeth (Tell us how you really feel.)
  • was just asked “Can I shave your hair off and make a pillow out of it?” #creep #silkyhairprobs (Ok, WHO says that?)
  • Aaron Rogers really need to shave….. He has a squirrel on his lip (But everyone likes squirrel
  • Post-workout meal – Omelette du fromage #dexterslab #gym (I. LOVED. This episode of Dexter’s Lab!)
  • My teeth feel naked! (Um…when do they ever feel clothed?)
  • if she’s wearing yoga pants I’m gonna look… How was I supposed to know you’re daughter is 12 (My guess is…if she looks like a child.)
  • I’ve yet to see a Sunggie from which I wanted said access. I’m no Gynecologist, but I do posess a PhTroll. (Does anyone follow this..?)
  • I’m nervous! I want long hair but I’m scared I’ll end up growing a mustache instead. (I think she’s confused about how hair works…)
  • Marisol does not want hairy gizzards (But really, who does? Amiright? Guys?)
  • SHE WAS THE ONE THAT PUSHED ME FIRST, SO I GRABBED HER BY THE HAIR AND KNEED HER IN THE FACE (Whoa…it got real.)
  • No Shave November has really taken its toll on my body, i keep sitting on my nuts (How…how the HELL are those related?)
  • I think I might shave my bread off ! (lolz typoz)
  • Have to get my finger shoes from tan (…finger…shoes..?)
  • Grrr all i want is to be noticed or followed by @justinbieber for christmas. That wud be one good christmas present! (Way to aim high…but Santa probably isn’t bringing you what you want this year.)
  • Coach was pissed when i was still overweight this practice “sigh” now i gotta lose 5lbs in one night :( (#WhyIneverWrestled)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 23, 2012 (The Black Friday Edition!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Yo fuck a lot of things. The A.M. Raisin bran. The word bran. Your haircut. The word finna. Whole grain. Dr Oz. Not being famous. Today. (This person may have been having a bad day. Perhaps.)
  • How are my nails stillll weak? A month without a manicure is pure torture (Is this why the rest of the world hates us? Yes indeed.)
  • I just saw a girl put an iPhone into her backpack without locking the screen and it made me want to pull out all my hair. (I completely understand this sentiment, actually.)
  • when I grow my beard , I’ll be gassssseddddd ! Probably catch an std too (Please. PLEASE explain the correlation here.)
  • i want to shave but i cant in case i don’t get selt red bull the morns morning :/ (It started as English, and then went to crazy town.)
  • @SexFactsOfLife: You burn calories and lose weight every time you have sex. (So we’re apparently using the word ‘facts’ pretty loosely these days. Do YOU lose weight every time YOU have sex?)
  • A model just told me to wish him good luck, and I replied, “wish lucked!” Who the fuck am I? I’m such a dumb bitch. (Yeah, this reminds me of a great Brian Regan comedy segment. Hilarious. And it sucks when it happens.)
  • I hate it when I’m wearing my onesie and then I have to pee! 😠 #sooannoying (#firstworldproblems Also, adult onesies are so weird. I’m sorry.)
  • Text my sister asking what she want for Christmas. She betta not OD (Um…this is the most tragic tweet I’ve seen in a while! Yikes.)
  • you just ordered extra pubic hair and saliva in every thing you eat in every restaurant in town. Congrats! (What caused this, and how do I completely avoid it forever and always in my life??)
  • Fuck, it’s his birthday today. Well his new bitch can get him something. #Asshole (There’s a juicy story here…)
  • They have a Black Friday sale for buying followers OMG !!! #DieNow (Everybody wants a piece of the action…)
  • I think Glimmer is the porn star chick of She-Ra, she has pinkish hair and big boobs, lol. (I never looked at it that way…)
  • Feel like a lightening bolt just hit the tip of my penis (The hell..?)
  • So#SWEET #LOVE #MY #NAILS #NAIL #PORN #NEON #SPOILED #GREAT #BRAND #FINISHING #RESULTS #COMING #AFTER #THANK (#I #hate #when #people #hashtag #everything #on #instagram #Die #in #A #fire)
  • Pink says: try. Yoda says: Do or do not. There is no try. Take advice from a 3 foot tall humanoid OR a chick with pink hair and big biceps? (No wait…he has a point here. This is quite the dilemma.)
  • I’m disappointed a show titled “whisker wars” is not about a feline martial arts tournament #ClawlessVictory (Meowlena vs. Pawraka. FIGHT!)
  • watch your mouth! Cussing on Twitter like you ain’t got no home training. Putting mess into the universe -#Auntie (#TwitterFamilyValues)
  • Just saw a guy rev his engine and peel out of the parking lot… In a Subaru Outback. Your mom’s gonna be pissed, bro. (Twitter users just callin it like they see it.)
  • Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? (Well…ok. Fair point.)
  • definitely don’t remember asking for my teeth which I just found in my pocket… (What kind of night did THIS guy have?)
  • Yes dad. Please continue feeling up your girlfriend and the dinner table. (‘Tis the season for family togetherness…for better or worse.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 16, 2012 (Queue up in the drive-thru lane, it’s National Fast Food Day! Tomorrow is National Baklava Day. I like that better.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • i like to peel the bark off the trees as they shed in the fall and i watch all the bugs crawl up my arm and into my eyes. (*Someone* needs to lay off the drugs…)
  • Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means.)
  • My sister said you think if I do crack I’ll loose my stomach.. I don’t think you’ll loose your stomach you’ll probly loose your teeth haha (Well, it certainly wouldn’t help your spelling…)
  • Barbie was a vet, an astronaut, a teacher and a mom. I’m pretty sure Bratz dolls just get plowed in public bathrooms. (Glad I refused to buy those for my little sister, I suppose)
  • you really smell like dog buns (Compliment, or not? One could argue both, I suppose.)
  • I’m hungry af. I want some grandma (I REALLY hope there was more context to this conversation)
  • Gonna convince Gus to shave his pits. Why must guys have hairy pits? Who likes this? How is deodorant supposed to work w bush pits? Tell me. (You have to admit, she makes a convincing argument)
  • One time, my legs fell asleep while I was pooping, so I punched them til they woke up. (Everything? Does everything have to be tweeted about?)
  • I got my waxed mustache, my velocipede, my diving horse act, my animal cruelty conviction, a striped prison outfit, and rock breaking detail (It started out normal, then just got more and more confusing…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 9, 2012 (Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day! Also, Domino Day, celebrating the world record!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  •  If I drink alcohol, I am an alcoholic. But if I drink fanta than . . . I am fantastic! (Sounds like solid reasoning to me.)
  • i don’t even enjoy watching porn anymore #Confession I get so bored now… (A sad realization indeed…)
  • FISH TITS (I mean…I guess that says it all, right?)
  • This is what I get for taking a nap… I end up with a STD. (I don’t even know where to begin figuring out what this means.)
  • Many will tell you to go vote today. I, however, will use this opportunity to suggest you learn to ride a motorcycle. (Seize the day, as it were)
  • Seeing a lot of “I voted” stickers, not one “I didn’t vote” sticker. Market potential? (Take non-voter shaming to a highly visible new level)
  • Having lunch at a place that reeks of trophy wife perfume. (Eu du Golddigger. Coming to a Macy’s near you.)
  • I’m not talking shit on nor’easter, last time I talked about sandy, she gave my car the FINISH HIM (I think this means his car was decapitated, or had its spine pulled out. Definitely one of those two.)
  • If he wins, can I have the wine you’re not drinking? Not because I’ll be depressed. Just because I love wine. (Admitting it to yourself is the first step.)
  • This election has lasted more than 4 hours. I’m calling my doctor (Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…)
  • Drunk Nate Silver standing outside my gyno office yelling out exact days of ovulation at random women. (This meme is one of my favorites in a very long time)
  • I got arrested …Development on DVD. (I like where your mind is buddy!)
  • I have five fingers on each hand for every mistake that I’ve made, plus my tongue is tied to tonsils and I need to shit and shave. (I…what? It seemed so insightful, and then just went horribly awry.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

November 2, 2012 (National Deviled Egg Day! Delicious! Also, COOKIE MONSTER DAY!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • I hate it when I’m driving down the street in my car and I spit out the window and the window is shut (Ew. Just…y’know. Don’t spit out the window then.)
  • My Halloween Costume: Shark pajamas and a calendar around my neck. I’m going as Shark Week (Now that’s just clever)
  • Getting the urge to walk around with my iPad 2 on my shoulder like a 1980s boombox. #oldtech #bigisbeautiful (Post iPad mini announcement nostalgia)
  • lol I pooped during lunch.. #SentYouPics (No. This is NOT how you should use the technology)
  • My costume is so inappropriate that I’m debating making a sign that says slut on it and attaching it to my forehead #yolo (Well, at least you’re being honest with yourself…)
  • DON’T TAG ME IN IT JUST TELL THEM MY BUTT SURGERY WENT WRONG (There’s a reeeeaally interesting story here…)
  • I believe it has to be Vodka, Bourbon has food coloring and is not a clear beverage. (Hmm…what kind of bourbon are YOU drinking?)
  • I’m YOLOing so hard this week (I think there should have been a #YOLOweek along with this. We can celebrate it like we do SharkWeek)
  • I can’t wait for #RomneyRyan2012: where Rape is birth control, Russia is evil, and China is our drunk-walk home from the bar hate-fuck. #GOP (w….wow. That’s a bright future…)
  • Fuck rope courses. Hot pot is the best teambuilding exercise. (This guy’s on to something)
  • UGH WHY COULDN’T SATAN HAVE BEEN BORN ON A WEEKEND (Um…there seems to be a misunderstanding here…)
  • Halloween PSA for murderers: don’t poison candy corn because nobody eats candy corn because candy corn is wax (At least someone is looking out for those poor murderers who don’t want their time wasted.)
  • You can’t even spell, and my son will be an athlete while yours is an illiterate douche (I say DAMN. Burn.)
  • Im so sore, I think next time I need to drop it like its luke warm……………. (Literally LOL-ed in the office when I read this.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

October 25th, 2012 (For all you horror movie fans, today is Chucky, the Notorious Killer Doll Day, also World Pasta Day. Yum!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. bacon. (Yeah, that thought process sounds about right…)
  • Any time you’re feeling pretty accomplished, remember that Stevie Wonder is blind and you can’t play piano. (well, I was feeling awesome.)
  • He shaved his eyebrows and wears a fucking mermaid tail while he raps on a pogo stick! He’s so interesting! (I mean, I think I’d at least give that a look. Where’s the YouTube video for this guy??)
  • Totally just sneezed into my hair and got a booger stuck in it in front of a customer. #fail (Ew. And…just ew.)
  • October, go home, you are drunk. Stop being summer, drunk October. (I’d just like to add #Texas to the end of this.)
  • Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and you’re single. Just let that sink in for a moment… (Ouch…)
  • That time dad lied to mom about pulling out and mom lied to dad about taking the pill and BAM! Awesomest person ever was born. (;  (That’s…uh…quite a way to celebrate your conception, but good for you!)
  • a serious relationship will get you pregnant before it gets you a ring ladies . sad reality right ? (Wow, what reality are you living in buddy? I’ll tell everyone I know to steer clear.)
  • if i told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it (I…just don’t know. This is a seriously deep, contemplative question.)
  • Just for the record, I never wanted this to happen. My core vowels said stick through it. (I don’t think A,E,I,O,U and sometimes Y were what were telling you to press on my friend.)
  • Right now thousands of white women in San Francisco are doing a blind zombie march into the sun’s asshole. (WHAT?)
  • Still not 100% sure that Jeepers Creepers monster is not in my back yard and I saw that movie like 10 years ago. (Some things just stick with us. We can’t pick and choose.)
  • at the end of the game the king and the pawn go in the same box . (I actually like this. It probably was said by someone famous, which means credit should be given.)
  • That awkward moment when it’s a cold day & the toilet seat at the stadium is warm… (This made me uncomfortable for this person…)
  • Feeling like the Little Engine that Could…with a whole lot of expletives. (That’s like me at the gym!)
  • Just saw a man literally cut in half from an accident and was still alive…the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen! (And you think YOU’RE having a bad day…)
  • Lololol Michael thinks he deserves everything. Dude, you have Fs and a felony. You deserve a bed and food. Fuck you. (#ToughTwitterLove)
  • Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell. We text or call to say we’re outside (This couldn’t be more true…)
  • The best time to propose at a restaurant is right after you order but before you pull up to the window. (Somewhere in the middle of the tweet, we took a wrong turn.)
  • Damn lunch break is done and I’m still teaching the brown whale how to swim (I…don’t believe I’ve heard that one before.)
  • Does the purple cat bark at the right place on the hairy mole when the rooster wakes up? (Who…what….I….my brain just fell out.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.