Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

December 21, 2012 (The world didn’t end. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Also, it’s Hamburger Day, Kiwi Fruit Day [in California] and, of course, Winter Solstice!)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Gregorio can fix cars but I heard he fixed Alex’s BMW (Black mans weiner) [Oooooh, BURN!]
  • Saw a car with this bumper sticker: “We say Christmas.” I say potato. #waronpotatoes (Everybody has a cause…)
  • omg the hair stylist after cutting her bangs: “you just got banged” (Perhaps a bit tactless and too far..?)
  • Prenatal pills in my shampoo have helped my hair grow so much.
  • I can’t believe my daughter shit on the bathroom wall yesterday hahahahhahaha (I don’t find this funny. Should I not have kids?)
  • Just found 80 bucks in my back pocket really wanna know where it came from #win (Damn. Now THAT’S a good day!)
  • Dear tourists in new york please be more aware of your surroundings i am hungover i will shoulder charge if need be
  • I think i’ve gotten to mature for facebook… (I disagree…)
  • I’ve always loved beer but for you ill make an acceptation (Sounds like you loved beer too much before tweeting this…)
  • it’s gonna take 2 good dumps and some COD/Halo wins for me to want to go out tonight… happy to report that we’re on track for hoodrat shit
  • I got a septum ring collecting boogers like it’s his job. (EEEWWW. Gross gross gross #gross)
  • Lisa’s baby shower!!! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿผ #babynoname #cantfigureitout #yolo
  • If you live in Washington or Colorado you can finally buy #weed with the Visa gift card your grandma gives you for Christmas. #jealous (Oh, how the holidays have changed.)
  • Jencarlos lives on a diet of hairy pencil cases (Does this make sense to anyone else?)
  • My blood type is diet coke (‘Merica)
  • Is it rude to shave your armpits in public? (Maybe not rude, but ill-advised, I’d say.)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 31st, 2012 (I hear it’s “Love Litigating Lawyers Day” So, um, hug a lawyer, I guess. Or just celebrate Labor Day for four days.)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Can’t decide what to get for my first car. BMW, Porshe, Mercedes Benz, or Range Rover? #whitekidproblems (Wow. For that, I hope you get NO car. Tool.)
  • DID YOU GET A HAIRCUT? No, I just dyed the tips of my hair invisible. (Oh! You jus’ so clever!)
  • A bikini waxing boutique just asked me to connect on LinkedIn. #seriously #whensocialmediagoeswrong
  • My dog just ate a frog. Then threw the frog up. (I guess it could be worse. You could be the frog.)
  • My gf rubs my stomach while I Pooh bear (does….does this mean what I think it means…?)
  • I’ve been waiting for an oil change/repairs for 3 hours and someone just told me the mechanic quit his job in the middle of working on it? (Think YOU’RE having a bad day?)
  • A world first: Bionic eye transplant lets blind woman seeย http://t.co/QQjlKUlOย (You GUYS, Terminators are coming. But also, this is amazing.)
  • Women’s Wrestling matches drag like a wedding dress. I’m w the Taliban when it comes to this stuff. (Well, I mean, you know how well the Taliban is liked in the U.S. right? Maybe you don’t want to announce that.)
  • So the moral of the story is yolo but if you do drugs too much you’ll olo w/fucked up teeth & a burnt off face & maybe no legs or friends (Way to be a YOLO downer…)
  • Driving with the hood of my car down (I don’t think that word means what you think it means…)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.

Found Tweet Friday


Found Tweet Friday!

August 24, 2012 (Good: National Waffle Day! Bad: Pluto Demoted from a Planet Day)

Welcome to the Redlight District of Twitter

I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!

****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****

Found tweets:

  • Saw a guy with a Walkman. Wondering if my Audi’s flux capacitor kicked in when I hit 88 MPH. (Nerdy, yet douchey at the same time)
  • A Maserati just backed into a BMW (@ Starbucks) (Expensive day for someone)
  • Moral of the story if you eating the nanny you basically eating yogurt (Um, what the hell was the story??)
  • Forgot to shave my Pitts, now I have ll cool berries (Gross, yet funny)
  • FACT : 70% of women use a smile to hide emotional pain.” (You can’t state it as a fact if it is not, in actuality, a fact. Show me your statistics…)
  • I’d have to call what my kids are doing right now a kind of cross between wilding and Pokemon LARP… #feral
  • Damn. Someone in this office smells like a wet dog slathered with mayonaise. (Ew…)
  • Well, The Mildred Pierce Miniseries can certainly be filed under “birth control” (Hallelujah sister)
  • The frog has been found. Funeral is set for this evening. Dog is innocent. Daughter is sad. #BadDay #FirstWorldProblems
  • What is everyone’s Obsession with instagraming their nails? Maybe I should start posting my freshly trimmed pubies every time (I mean…it’s your Instagram. Do what you want…)
  • tip of the day: *never* do an image search for “that’s big” without turning SafeSearch ON! oh my. (File that one under ‘Obvious’)
  • I’ve hit the late summer allergies. Mid afternoon my brain goes all Blue Screen of Death. (And we all know that means you have to shut down and reboot, right?)
  • take a breath & just think about how you’re not engaged to chad kroeger, and that should make you feel better
  • Why aren’t I engaged to Avril Lavigne.. I’m much more attractive than Chad and my hair doesn’t resemble Ramen Noodles
  • Niall its not ok to wear your hair like that u know it makes me peel my shins off (I mean, I know some of these One Directioners are a little off, but what the hell??)

There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at robzaleski1@gmail.com and they might make the list!

Now go get your social on!

Follow this blog on Google Currents! Download the app in your app store or marketplace and click here to subscribe.