Found Tweet Friday!
June 20, 2012 (Happy Ramadan to those who celebrate it, Happy Lollipop Day to those who don’t)
I spend a good part of my day using Twitter to find potential customers for my clients. I use the Twitter search function and locate people talking about relevant things that could translate to needs my clients’ products or services could fulfill. During this digging through the nonsense, the marketing messages, the slang and abbreviated hashtags, I find some pretty ridiculous tweets. Many that make my jaw drop. It never ceases to amaze me how many people forget that their tweets are completely public while they treat their Twitter conversations as if they were private. Some of those are simply too offensive or gross (not to mention misogynistic and lewd) for me to bother posting, but below are a collection of this week’s gems that I just had to share. My occasional commentary will be the parenthetical portions. Enjoy!
****Warning: Some content may be inappropriate for young or easily offended readers****
- Wtf thought I saw a cricket going across my living room but it ended up being a frog
- Today I bought some swordfish in Napa and on the way home I saw a shirtless, hairless, extremely tan dwarf powerwashing a sidewalk. The end. (Thus ends the epic tale of this guy’s day.)
- Let’s have sex? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no. (Seems the odds are stacked…)
- SOME LADY JUST RAN OVER THE CRICKET I WAS GOING TO KEEP AS MY DORM PET WITH HER CART AND KILLED HIM. THIS IS THE WORST SHOPPING TRIP EVER. (crickets are a big deal in Texas…)
- Yes, what you have heard is true on FB. I’m not going to Lisa’s wedding because I have tickets at the Imax to Dark Knight Rises. (It’s called priorities, and this guy has them right.)
- a tumblr called ‘girls doing things’ featuring photos of fully clothed girls doing normal things like walking a dog or crossing the street (And there’s a market for that)
- I miss your food, @ChickfilA Please grow up soon. (I typically try not to take political sides on this blog, but yes.)
- I only blow my nose in the finest of artisan facial tissues made from woven butterfly wings and silkworm semen. (Disturbing on more than one level)
- Can anyone tell me how to remove duct tape from the eyes without pulling off the eyebrows? Asking for a friend. (there’s a bigger story here, I’m sure of it…)
- So this girl got in a car accident and was making gifs while in the ambulance. Umm?? Does That make sense? No. It doesn’t. (question is…was making GIFs what caused her to BE in the accident?)
- that’s cause you have so much damn clothes!! You have enough clothes to cover up all the poverty in the world haha (America, ladies and gentlemen…)
- Don’t put a “We are the 99%” sticker on your car. That makes you sound poor (This is also America. I’m so proud )
- I gained like 200 lbs. while traveling this month. I think my fat is mating with my other fat and making fat babies under my skin.
There you are folks! Obviously, some weeks will be less interesting than others, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, if you ever see any great tweets worth pointing out, send them to me at email@example.com and they might make the list!
Now go get your social on!
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